Life as Theophilus

Sick but Cute

2012-02-14T13:01:00.005-05:00

These pictures were taken about 10 minutes after we woke up this morning. I was cleaning a cup and getting Jude a drink. He climbed into a chair to wait, curled up, and fell back asleep. It was his third attempt at getting up -- first was at 3am (we said no), next was at 5:30am (we brought him to bed with us), and then this one at 6:45. He was back down for a nap by 10:30.

A stomach bug is traveling through our family. It was pretty short and mild for Simon and Dave, but Jude still had a cold and he takes GI stuff hard. Even though it has been a while since he's had ongoing reflux issues, I was reminded last night how immune we've become to him vomiting. He seemed to be feeling better and we were all at the formal table for a lovely meal with Dave's parents. Out of nowhere, Jude started throwing up all over himself, his plate and the floor. I took one look, realized he needed a minute to finish, and kept plowing away at the food on my plate. Simon turned to me and said, "Can you please pass the rolls?" Grandma and Grandpa were the only ones who had to wait until all vomit was out of sight before they could enjoy their food again.

Simon on Prayer

2012-01-27T18:52:00.002-05:00

I just asked Simon to pray that my cold would go away because I can't have surgery Tuesday if it doesn't. He silently prayed, then said to me, "I'm not sure if God is going to give you that because he usually ignores all my other prayers."

I am tired and was not really planning on a long conversation about prayer and why God sometimes says no. I have some of those questions too. We got into what Simon is praying for (for treat foods to become healthy, to go to his friends' houses every day, etc). I tried to explain that people have choices, that God isn't going to change the nature of how he made things (healthy or unhealthy), etc., etc. Simon kept asking deep questions that are hard even to answer for adults. How do you explain prayer to someone who is at an age of simple cause and effect? Finally I said, "What if we had a pet dinosaur? We'd need a really big bowl"... Not really, but I kind of wanted to.

Big Thoughts

2012-01-26T13:27:00.002-05:00

Today, after reading The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss, Simon was working out what it meant with little prompting:

Simon: "I think if both sides got blown up, their whole planet would be destroyed."

Me: "Yep."

Simon: "That would make God sad."

Me: "Yes it would."
Simon: "Like when Jude destroyed my building this morning*. When someone destroys something, it makes the person who made it sad."

Me: "That's right."

*Jude had knocked over a carefully constructed duplo building recently

I was kind of amazed at his little mind. I really contributed nothing to this conversation, but there he was developing empathy, demonstrating an understanding of God as Creator, making connections between a story we read and his life and theology. It was a good moment.

First Basketball Game

2012-01-22T11:23:00.007-05:00

Dave took some video at Simon's first basketball game yesterday. It's funny how Dave and I had such different feelings about the game. I kind of hated it. It is, at best, organized chaos. There is very little explaining to the kids and no attempt to enforce rules. Sure, at this age group there is going to be a lot of traveling, but most kids just grab the ball and run from one end of the court to the other with no attempt even to bounce it once. They should at least be expected to try to dribble. If I were a kid, my take away from yesterday would be, "Grab the ball and run. Dribbling is hard and slows you down, so don't even try." Of course, I might feel more strongly about this issue because Simon works very hard at dribbling -- more so than even shooting or other skills -- and I feel bad that all his practice is wasted on this league.

Dave was much more enthusiastic about the whole experience. He was proud of Simon for trying to dribble and was excited to see how scrappy he was. They had talked about stealing the ball before the game, and Simon really embraced that strategy. They both had fun.

These Days

2012-01-20T21:35:00.016-05:00

Last night I went to bed feeling bad. I was thinking about the raw material of the day and what I made of it. I didn't have a lot of obligations, and I did have a lot of resources. We could have baked or played outside, gone to the park or done one of the experiments from Simon's science kit that he's always asking to do. Simon and Jude had limitless energy and enthusiasm, but I didn't. I was tired. I was very tired and a little discouraged, so we just sort of got through the day as best we could, and a couple times I sent Simon to his room and told him "you're not in trouble but I desperately need a break."

I decided that we would make better use of today; however, within 15 minutes of waking up, I pulled a muscle in my lower back by carrying Jude while experiencing a major coughing fit. I dropped Jude and couldn't move for 2 and a half hours. Not a good start. Thankfully, the Rowells came and took Simon and Susan and Ian spent the morning at our house since I couldn't lift Jude. A couple ice packs and 800mg of ibuprofen later, I was walking around, but I still wondered why my body insists on falling apart. Why must our days be defined by how sick and tired I am?

Here's the surprise: when Simon got home at 2:30 we read three chapters of Winnie the Pooh, which is quite a feat and only possible when Jude is sleeping. Then, when Jude got up, we made homemade peanut butter chocolate chip granola bars. Then we did a science experiment. After dinner and some Dave-Simon-Jude playing in a boy cave made by our comforter, we tucked them in. Successful day! Children engaged! Hurray!

Of course, there's also this to remember: The whole time I was pregnant with Jude I felt awful and one of the only things I could do was read. I love reading children's books, and doing so, even with voices and inflection, requires almost no energy for me. So we read and read and read while I was pregnant. And the whole time I felt so guilty about all the things we weren't doing -- how little boys need to go out and play, how I should be engaging him in other activities better. But now, two years later, I look at Simon and how much he loves to read, how he can sit for long stretches and listen to stories from books or just from my mouth, how vast his imagination is, and I think, maybe all that reading wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe even the days that feel squandered aren't so bad. Maybe sending him to his room when I need a break will grow him into a person who does not require other people or things to entertain him.

And here's my hope: that I won't be so sick and tired. But even when I am, that it won't define our days. I want our days to be defined by love.

Photo Captions: Last Friday was another of those productive days when, despite Jude and I feeling lousy with colds, we made fake snow (some colored), undertook a major art project, and then Dave took Simon to the Duke women's basketball game. When the game ended at 9pm, they went to Waffle House and had waffles! Even though days like that are fun and make for good pictures, our kids would probably end up weird and spoiled if we didn't sprinkle in "you're driving me crazy, just go play by yourself" days too. Right?

Bubbas

2012-01-20T18:11:00.004-05:00

Today Jude said "Simon" for the first time. Up to this point, he called him "Bubba," which is how he said "Brother." Simon seemed ambivalent about the accomplishment. He liked having his name said, but I think he also liked having a special nickname. I told him perhaps Jude would still call him Bubba sometimes.

Later, Simon and Jude were playing nicely together, then Simon came to cuddle with me on the couch. I started talking to him in serious, hushed tones. "Isn't it nice to have a little brother? Sometimes it is nice to play with friends our own age, because they are more like us, but as Jude gets older he becomes more like you, and you'll always have your brother. Even when your friends move away or you grow up, you'll always have your brother, and he can be your friend too." I was going on and on like this, and Simon had a very serious, thoughtful expression. I was sure he was gaining a deep sense of appreciation and responsibility for his brother. I stopped talking and he turned to me with the same serious face and a matching tone and said, "What if we had a pet dinosaur? We'd have to get a really big bowl to feed it."

Who is the Big Brother?

2011-12-19T22:21:00.001-05:00

I weighed the boys today. Jude is 27 lbs. Simon is 28.4 lbs.

Cookie Party

2011-12-17T19:06:00.002-05:00

Today was my 8th Christmas Cookie Exchange, and possibly the first time I forgot to take a group picture! There were eight of us who feasted on Middle Eastern food cooked by my Iraqi friend Dalia and then exchanged these kinds of cookies: oatmeal scotchies with chocolate chips, oreo truffles, almond spritzers, Hello Dolly Bars, 7 layer bars, chocolate caramel crackers, snickerdoodles and mint chocolate shortbread pillows (a shortbread cookie with an Andes mint hidden inside). We each left with 5 dozen cookies.

I'm also getting ready for 2 weeks of house guests, so just completed a major grocery shop. I feel like there is an overabundance of delicious food bursting out of my freezer, refrigerator and pantry. And considering how many leftovers I have from the party, I'm starting to wonder if I've overestimated. So, if you're planning to visit me, come hungry!

Christmas Books

2011-12-17T19:00:00.003-05:00

Simon has become very interested in drawing lately. The other day he said, "When I grow up I'm going to be a Christmas book illustrator." I think he's landed on the happiest job ever.

Simon: "If the same person writes the book and draws the pictures, they should just call him the illustrauthor."

When I ask Jude if he wants to read 'The Polar Express,' he usually starts cheering and says, "Yay! Mismiss! Woo woo!" (Interpretation: "Yay! Christmas! Train!")

This Book has a Story

2011-12-17T18:43:00.005-05:00

I've bought my kids one toy each for Christmas, but have a hard time holding back from buying books. Many of the books I want to buy are out of print, so I have to find them used. I try to order "like new" condition. It's sort of fun to get books that have a past. I was sad about the book with library binding and stamp. Why did the library get rid of such a fabulous book? Is there a whole town of children who will never meet this character?

Yesterday I received a book that looked like new -- no creases, shiny book jacket -- but when I opened it there was the inscription: "To Philippa on your 5th birthday. Love, Nicholas." I like to write in the books I give my children for Christmas, so I began to wonder whether I should just cross out this inscription or put a sticker over it or what.

Then I began to feel sorry about Philippa. Did her mum give away the book without her knowledge? Will she miss it? And then it occurred to me -- the book looked brand new. Philippa never read it! (Or only read it once or twice very carefully). That's when I had an idea. What if I wrote my inscription under the existing one. Here's what it would say: "Simon & Jude, I hope you love reading this book for many years to come. Don't be like Philippa. Love, Mommy"

Of course, if I leave the inscription, Simon will inevitably ask what it says and want to know about Philippa and Nicholas. "There once was a girl named Philippa -- Pippa for short -- who only played video games all day long until her friend Nicholas got tired of asking her to come outside and all her books got sold because her brain turned to mush and she couldn't read them." Or "There once was a girl named Philippa who lived with her evil aunts. She longed to play with her books and dolls, but her aunts kept them on high shelves because they said she would get them too dirty." Or maybe "There once was a girl Philippa -- Pippa for short -- who loved a book. On her 5th birthday her friend Nicholas bought her the same book because he loved it too and didn't know she already had a copy. She thought about keeping both, but decided that she wanted other boys and girls to enjoy the story so she sent it on a plane to America to find a new home."

I can foresee hours of Pippa stories, and we haven't even gotten to the title page of the fabulous book!

Heartbreakers

2011-11-13T13:33:00.001-05:00

Bible Verse Bloopers

2011-11-12T19:48:00.002-05:00

The real verse is: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1). Today I heard Simon singing it, "God is our refuge and strength and our president's in trouble."

Misunderstanding or political statement?

Dave also pointed out that in one of the videos instead of saying "out of the mud and mire," Simon says, "I love the mud and mire." I asked him about it and he said, "I do love the mud and mire."

Cousin Love

2011-11-12T18:48:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Simon said, "If a genie came and I had 3 wishes, I would wish I was really super, and I would wish that my dog family was real, and I would wish that my cousins lived with us."

Today Christmas music was on a radio station and "All I Want for Christmas is You" (not the Mariah Carey one, some other song with the same name) came on and Simon heard the line, "Santa can't bring me what I need." Simon said, "Santa can't bring her what she needs? Why can't Santa bring her what she needs?" I explained that she said "All I want for Christmas is you" because someone she loves is far away and she just wants that person to come home. Simon asked, "Who is it?" I said, "I don't know. What do you think?" He said, "I would sing that about Zachary."

On Penn State, Starving Children and Prayer

2011-11-10T16:10:00.008-05:00

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by reading the news. All the suffering feels personal. The brokenness of the world nags at me.

Last night I was feeling heavy and having trouble sleeping and I decided to pray about the things weighing me down. I started with the Penn State scandal. I am sad for the boys and their families. I am mad and sad that human beings who are created in the image of God can become so consumed with evil that they would systematically destroy the lives of young boys. And I am mad and sad that Mike McQueary and Joe Paterno could delude themselves into believing they had done enough with the information they had rather than seeing their positions of power and influence as carrying a mandate to pursue justice and protect the victims in their midst. I'm not personally close to the situation in any way, so this was simply a prayer of lament -- handing my anger and heaviness over to God and longing for Him to make the world right.

My next couple prayers were similar -- situations closer to home that I could lament but have no control over.

Then I moved on to praying about the situation in the Horn of Africa, where war, drought and famine have created a crisis affecting 13.3 million people. I was thinking about starving children and praying, "How can this even be? How can some of us have so much while other people can't eat? How could You make the world this way?" Then suddenly something shifted inside me, and I started to sense that this prayer was different than the previous prayers of lament. I heard a whisper -- the voice of God or conscience saying, "That's right. This isn't how it is supposed to be. You are overfed and you are wealthy and powerful compared to most people in the world. You are part of the church, which I call my body. You know I care about those people in Africa. So what are you going to do with the information, wealth and power I have given you? How is the church in America, who I have given so much to, going to respond?"

I felt a clear sense that it was not enough for me to be sad about this particular situation while going on well fed and comfortable. God was calling me to do what I can from where I am to make things right. I started to consider excuses -- how would I decide how much money to give? Would it even matter if it wasn't ongoing support? How would I decide on an organization? I'm tired. Then suddenly Joe Paterno came back into my mind and I heard once again, "It is very easy to believe you can pass off responsibility, but doing what is required is different than doing what is right. If you ignore the deep injustice these children in Africa are experiencing, how is that any different than McQueary and Paterno? You know what is right. Now pursue it."

So here's what I'm asking: 1) Please feel free to follow up with me in a month and see what I did. If I did nothing, don't just say, "I understand, you're busy." I need people to hold me responsible. How would the Penn State situation be different if those in the know had taken seriously the importance of follow up and asking hard questions. 2) Pray -- Even if all you can say to God are words of anger or doubt. It is an amazing thing to hear him speak, and oddly enough I've heard him most frequently when I have been praying honest words that we often try to censor (like, "There's no way you can be good when I see x and y").

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:17

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance ... will arise from another place... And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. "
Isaiah 58: 6-11

Sweet Stinky Jude

2011-11-10T10:53:00.005-05:00

About a month ago, when we were in Florida, Mimi walked into the room and said, "What's that smell?" Simon nonchalantly responded, "It's probably Jude. He has a lot of extra stink."

It's true. Simon has never needed to bathe every day. We could bathe Jude 2 or 3 times a day. His hair gets sweaty, he is drawn to dirt and he poops a lot. This morning I looked over at Jude during breakfast and his cereal bowl was on his head. He said "At (hat). Bowl. At. Bowl" and laughed and laughed. He is a dirty little rascal.

Jude can't say Simon, so he calls him "Bubba" as his way of saying "brother." He mimics almost everything Simon does. As a result, he loves being put in time out after misbehaving. Yesterday I said "no" in a firm voice, and he got a sad face, then smiled and turned and walked to the time out spot. He loves the whole ritual of sitting there and then hugging Simon to show he is sorry. I'm not sure how effective this is going to be as a discipline strategy, but he's so darn cute that it is hard to be mad at him.

Bible Verse Bouncing

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

Simon is in a Wednesday night kids' program at church this fall where they try to memorize one Bible verse each week. They gave us a CD where each song is just the words to the verse including the reference number. It's amazing how he memorized all of them without even trying because he loves the CD and just wanted to listen to the songs all the time. My mom asked me to take some videos of him saying the verses to inspire her Bible study group to memorize their weekly verse. We didn't do any special practicing before this impromptu video session. You can tell he wants to sing the words!

One quirk about this form of memorizing -- he sometimes hears the words in the song wrong and then insists those are the real words. In this first video, he insists "ten" is "met."

One night early on Simon kept asking for "the vacuum one." He thought the verse was Vacuum 7:7-8, not "Matthew." I'm glad there isn't actually a book of the Bible called "Vacuum." I'm sure it would be my least favorite book.

Cat Update

2011-11-07T15:24:00.003-05:00

Might as well get all the sad news out at once...

We had to euthanize our cat, Strongbad, Friday. When we got rid of Lucy in August, we never imagined that Strongbad would develop his own issues and have such a quick demise. I've been really sad about it as it became clear what was going to need to happen, especially when I'd pet him or we'd spend time together. Now that it's over, though, I feel a little relieved. Nursing a sick cat was really draining at a time when we don't have extra to give, and it was grueling to have to make a decision about euthanasia (although it became pretty clear by the end). I have more peace now that it's all over.

Jude loved our cats though, and every time we go upstairs he says "At? At?" I told him the cat had to go bye bye, so now when we go upstairs he says, "Bye bye at. Bye bye at."

Maybe some day when our kids are more grown we'll get a pet again, but probably not for a long time. They were our "kids" before we had kids, but now that we have actual children, we don't really have much left over to give furry ones. I'm learning a lot about different seasons of life lately, and it seems like this season has a lot of letting go and good bye. I'll miss them.

Arm Update

2011-11-07T14:50:00.006-05:00

I had a doctor's appointment today. I was sort of expecting him to say I would need surgery. Six weeks ago is when he prescribed 3 hours of physical therapy per day and told me I had improper bone growth. He said we'd know in 8 weeks if I'd need surgery but he wanted to see me back in 6.

I've made progress in regaining my range of motion, but it is still not what I'd consider good enough, and I couldn't imagine it becoming good enough in the next 2 weeks, which is why I thought surgery would be likely.

Today the doctor said, "when I saw you 6 weeks ago, I thought for sure we would have to operate, but with the progress you've made, I wouldn't do anything until the 6 month mark."

What, you may be wondering, does that mean? I'm about 3 months out from my injury. It's possible I'll have surgery in another 3 months if my range of motion still isn't good enough, but it is also possible I can avoid surgery altogether if I continue to make good progress. This, to me, is mixed news. Sure, it is good to avoid surgery, but I'm not close to where I want to me. What he's prescribing is continued intensiveness physical therapy, adding in some heavy weight training. I see him again in 10 weeks to assess progress.

It's sort of like when you go on a diet -- at first the pounds fly off, but those final 10 lbs are a battle. I'm at the point where every degree of further motion is going to be a battle, but the doctor wants me to keep on fighting to get where I need to be.

I thought the end of this marathon was in sight, and I feel like he told me that it's not the end, in fact that's only maybe the halfway marker. I feel like I'm exhausting my resources -- I'm tired, Dave's tired, and we've been relying heavily on visits from family and meals and then childcare help from friends and church members. I don't want to need help anymore!

I realize that in the realm of suffering, this whole ordeal is relatively minor. Despite all the work, I've been enjoying the fall a lot. The days with Simon and Jude are very sweet, and it feels wonderful to have cleared my schedule of all the things that used to fight for my time. I'm learning a lot about perseverance and about holding plans loosely. I'm realizing how many people love and support us, and that feels good. I tend to write these updates on days when I've received news, and those days tend to be hard. I need to make an effort to document the many small good things in our lives right now too.

Pizza Face

2011-10-27T20:56:00.003-04:00

Rules that are Meant to Be Broken

2011-10-25T21:37:00.003-04:00

This picture of Simon from school made me laugh. He pretty regularly does the opposite of all these things.

Two Goals!

2011-10-08T19:51:00.003-04:00

Dave got some good video at Simon's soccer game today.

More Ailments...and Lies Parents Tell

2011-09-27T16:03:00.003-04:00

Simon and Jude have Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. (Seriously?!!!) It's not a big deal as far as viruses go, and the camel's back broke long ago, so we'll just call it one more straw on a broken camel's back.

After I realized both kids had sores in their mouths, Simon said, "I actually have two boo boos in my mouth. I think I got the first one yesterday from watching too much TV." OK, so maybe I've told him in the past that watching too much TV can make you sick. I was thinking more along the lines of turning your brain to mush, but maybe sores in the mouth are possible too. He hasn't asked to watch TV at all today.

No More Dada

2011-09-26T20:58:00.003-04:00

One more note from the day (this one more positive). Jude made a full switch from calling Dave "Dada" to calling him "Daddy" today. He implemented the change when he woke up at 5:30am and started screaming, "Daddy...Mama...Daddy...Mama" continuously, but he stuck with it throughout the day. He'll be a "big boy" before I know it.

For Those Who Prefer a Photographic Representation of the Day

2011-09-26T20:50:00.006-04:00

(Note the ice cream that fell off Simon's cone on the seat next to him. Also, this is the second cone he spilled in one sitting tonight!)

Better to have had some ice cream and lost than not to have had any ice cream at all?

Time for a Big Push (and some more Advil)

2011-09-26T20:39:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to post a brief update here for those who are following the family health saga. I had my 6 week post fall doctor visit today and I can finally drive! The news was mixed, though, because there is bone growing where it shouldn't, which might impair my range of motion. The doctor said I need to make a hard push toward regaining my full range of motion. If the bone keeps growing incorrectly, it might not be possible, but this is the period where I give it my all and see if I can regain motion despite the extra bone. He said we'll know in 8-10 weeks whether my motion has returned, and if not, that's when we would head to surgery (which would put me back at square one with recovery and PT). So, life will still be challenging as I figure out how to carve out approximately five 20 - 30 minute blocks per day to do the prescribed physical therapy.

We've had a bit of a challenging day -- a very unpleasant cold hit Dave last week and has hit me hard yesterday and today, causing a migraine which still hasn't gone away. Our cat suddenly had lots of blood in his urine so had to be taken to the vet today (and left there overnight). And Jude still isn't quite over his vomiting but the pediatric GI specialist said their first appointment isn't until January 23. Dave's sickness and acting as the family driver has put him behind at work, so he'll be up late into the night working the next few days.

Please pray for us! I feel like I just want to sleep this cold and migraine away, but that isn't possible because I have kids to take care of and lots of things to do before going on a trip. Jude has been waking up at 5:30am the past few days. Even though there are bigger long term needs, at the moment I would love prayer that Jude would not get up so ridiculously early tomorrow and that my headache would be gone in the morning so that we can tackle the day fresh and with new energy.

Train

2011-09-22T21:59:00.003-04:00

Today Jude was pushing trains around the track and he looked up at me and said, "Woo, woo" just like a train whistle. It was cute.

I need to get a picture of Jude's "I'm gonna get you" face, which must be the face we make when we say that to him, but now when we say it, he makes the face at us and lunges toward us, completely ecstatic when we grab him and start tickling.

We call him "Jude-Jude" a lot because he calls us Dada and Mama. Simon moved pretty quickly to Daddy and Mommy, but Jude likes being our baby.

Still Climbin' Simon

2011-09-22T21:57:00.003-04:00

Picture his teacher posted from today. Where does that ladder go? To the roof?!

Carrying Us Through - Part 2

2011-09-16T21:18:00.006-04:00

I am so thankful for my church! If you are not a part of a church, let this be an encouragement to you -- find a community you can be a part of. The Christian life was not meant to be lived alone. In the Bible, the church is called "the body of Christ." That's partially because the church is one of the biggest ways we experience God's love in tangible ways. If God feels distant, his people are meant to help you remember who he is.

This year, my church has carried me through. Weekly corporate worship is a time when I lean on the faith of others to supply what is lacking in my own life. I can't wait to go to church each week, not because I want to fulfill some religious obligation, but because I very literally need it in order to stay grounded for the rest of the week. Somehow, being with the community of believers, all of us broken and struggling, creates something bigger of our tiny seeds of faith. It is beautiful!

During this most recent injury, my church community has rallied. I fell at a church picnic, and I was immediately cared for -- there were people to take my children, move my car, call Dave and provide medical attention. A doctor from the church rode in the ambulance with me and stayed in the ER for hours. When she had to leave, someone else from church (who has 4 kids of his own and who we don't know especially well) came to sit with Dave at the hospital. Our kids stayed with church friends overnight and were cared for by other church friends the next day. Over the past month, more than 20 people have brought us meals, some more than once. People came to our house each day to help me with kids between parental visits, people have taken our kids on outings so they don't go stir crazy, and I've received cards, e-mails and calls from people I only know in passing.

So many of the people who have helped in the past month are people who are part of the larger church, not particular friends. That is extremely touching to me. I also want to say, though, that part of what allows a church to carry us through is knowing others well and being known. If you just go to church on Sunday mornings, you probably won't know what is really happening in people's lives. It's knowing people that makes corporate faith so much more powerful -- we have asked really hard questions together and wrestle through issues with no clear answers; I have walked with friends through heartache, over-busyness, marriage struggles, parenting struggles, and joyful times. Watching God work in their lives helps renew my faith when it feels particularly feeble.

I feel like I need to say that I know there are many people out there who have been hurt by the church, and I'm so sorry if you are one of those people. The church is like family, and I think families and churches have the power to create some of the deepest and longest lasting wounds. I deeply believe though, that church, like family, is ultimately a good creation and that it is better to be a part of a church (or a family) in all its brokenness than to plow on alone. There are many, many things I wish were different and that cause me pain in my church and family (and I've had very good experiences in both these areas). But I know for some of you with awful experiences, this can sound too casually like a pep rally. I don't mean that. I know the church is broken. But she is God's broken bride, and I look forward to the day when she is healed. And until then, I still believe the church is the main place for believers to experience God's love and join his purposes in the world.

This year and our families struggles are not over yet. I'm so thankful for all those who are carrying us through!

Carrying Us Through

2011-09-16T20:48:00.012-04:00

Even though the past month or so has brought some particularly obvious big challenges (my elbow, cat illnesses, Jude, Dave traveling for work twice in a month on top of all this), this has, in many ways, been one of the most refreshing months of the year so far. This year started off difficult with a wave of deep doubt and spiritual struggles that are too much for this post, but that were (are) just as crushing as any physical injuries (maybe more so because nobody knows when you're just "feeling" bad). The hard year continued with peeing cats, fevers, viruses, Jude's illnesses and hospital visits and massive over-commitment on my part. (It is very hard to say no to things I believe are important and know that I could do well if time were not an issue. Unfortunately, time is an issue).

Dislocating my elbow was the point where I had no choice but to cry "surrender!" I couldn't deny my limitations. I had to rely on others. I had to drop off committees and cancel my membership to the YMCA (can't pretend I'm going to exercise and then feel guilty about not exercising if there's no way I can drive to the Y). I've slowed down a lot, and that is strangely liberating.

I've also had an enormous amount of help. The past month would have been defeating (not at all refreshing) if not for these people. I can't begin to express my gratitude:

1. To my mom and Dave's parents - They each came about 10 days. They took care of kids and cats, shuttled us to appointments and school, did countless loads of laundry and dishes. On top of running our household, they tackled a number of other home improvement projects. My mom installed a gate on our stairs, painted a bench, fixed a door, moved valances higher so more of our windows showed, and knit us a poof. (Am I forgetting something? I know I could be). Dave's parents took on a major gardening project, creating a landscaped bubble out and planting two trees, 4 bushes, and almost a dozen smaller plants, plus they weeded and mulched large areas. Both parents helped with Simon's birthday party and many other smaller organizational tasks in the midst of long days. They left with the house in better shape than when they came, which is encouraging considering I've been largely out of commission.

2. My church family - This needs a post of its own (coming soon).

Tough Month

2011-09-14T21:59:00.004-04:00

My elbow seems to be getting better, but I'm still not driving.

A couple weeks ago Jude's reflux/vomiting issues resurfaced. He had been off Zantac for 2 months and was thriving, then he suddenly began randomly vomiting again. It became an almost daily occurrence, so the doctor put him back on Zantac. The Zantac isn't working quite yet, so today his doctor ordered an abdominal ultrasound, is scheduling a visit with a pediatric GI specialist, and is switching his medication to Prilosec, which is a little stronger than Zantac and will hopefully get the vomiting under control while we look for answers.

Meanwhile, our remaining cat, Strongbad, started peeing on beds and couches shortly after my elbow was injured and had significant blood in his urine. The vet ran a gamut of tests an found out he has bladder stones. We switched to a prescription food that has about a 50% chance of dissolving the stones and also gave him two different medicines twice daily for more than a week. For a while we confined him to our bathroom, but then he seemed fine so we let him out. A couple of soaked beds later he was back in the bathroom for a week. We're now giving him a little more freedom again since his confinement seemed to be driving him crazy (we heard him hissing at the door several times, and he never hisses). We don't want a cat who is sick AND insane. We'll get a follow up x-ray in about 3 weeks to see if the food is working. If not, we'll have to consider surgery. If the expense is too high, we will have to consider euthanasia.

Our parents, who were here helping much of the past month, get laundry merit badges for not only taking care of regular household duties I couldn't handle, but also dealing with an excessive number of pee and vomit soaked items due to Strongbad and Jude's illnesses.

Simon's First Soccer Game

2011-09-10T12:43:00.003-04:00

Simon scored one goal (full disclosure: it didn't hurt that the goal was down hill and there was a good bit of momentum). He also ran really fast to try to steal the ball from the other team and blocked some goals when he was playing defense. He had a really good time. His team name is the alligators.

Another Cute Picture from Simon's Teacher

2011-09-08T20:58:00.001-04:00

Jude's First Day of PMO

2011-09-08T09:48:00.005-04:00

Jude is doing a Parents' Morning Out program one day a week so I can do some work. Today is his first day. He looked like such a big boy in his shark backpack with his new hair cut. I'm glad he still nods yes when I ask if he's a baby. I'm not ready for two "big boys" quite yet.

Jude

2011-09-06T23:23:00.006-04:00

I love this kid! He seems to get cuter by the minute. Here are some of his favorites:

Words: Bus (he insists all vehicles are buses), ball, yes, dada. He says the first sound for lots of words -- "b" for bug or bird, "g" pointing at the fridge means "grapes!" He makes a hard "ck" sound twice for "cookie." He's talking a lot more, but it helps to know "Jude speak."

Quirks: He refuses to call Mimi "Mimi" even though he can say it. He calls her "MyMy" and laughs if she tries to correct him. He's still a daddy's boy to the core. He points to his name on the wall and likes me to say the letters. He can say "E" and he's started calling letters "E" when he sees them. He sweats more than anyone I know. That picture above -- all sweat.

Books: When Mimi was visiting she started reading him Llama Llama Red Pajama at bedtime. He LOVES the book. On the page where the llama calls his mama, Jude yells "mama" all drawn out at the top of his lungs. On the page where the llama cries, Jude does a fake cry (wa, wa). On one of the pages the llama has a big tongue sticking out, and Jude sticks out his tongue and points to it. The whole reading experience is very cute.

Skills: Jude is very good at dribbling a soccer ball and Grandma was impressed with how he pushes trains around tracks like a big boy.

Things I Love: When I say, "Who's a baby?" or "Who's my baby?" he enthusiastically points at himself. He still loves to be held and cuddle. He's grown to love books, and he's at that stage where he backs up into my lap when he wants to read. Simon loves to hide and Jude loves to find him, so I have two happy boys. Also, when Jude often cheers, "Yay!" when we're going to do or have something he likes. So if I say, "Jude, time for lunch," he'll say, "Yaaaay!" Love it!

First Day of New Preschool

2011-09-06T23:17:00.004-04:00

It was an eventful first day of school for Simon since a tornado warning forced all the classes to hide out in the choir room for a while. Simon just thought it was a special song time and he loved it.

One thing I'm excited about is that Simon's teacher keeps a class website (password protected) that she updates every day with pictures and a description of what they did that day. It really helped me get more details about the day out of Simon since I knew some of the songs they sang, stories they read and games they played. And I loved getting a glimpse of what he does! Check out a couple of the pictures his teacher posted below.

Elbow Update

2011-08-22T19:16:00.002-04:00

I had my first follow up appointment for my elbow today. It was a little discouraging, mainly because it seems like this is going to be a long road with a lot of uncertainty. It turns out I tore every single ligament in my elbow and the doctor is not sure if I'll ever regain the full range of function. I have physical therapy exercises to do for a few minutes every hour every day to try to improve motion and help it heal. I definitely cannot use that arm for the next 2 weeks -- which means no driving or lifting Jude or changing dirty diapers. At my next appointment I'll find out what activities I can add. I wish I had a clearer time frame for when I could drive or take care of Jude again, but it just depends on how fast it heals and how motion improves. We probably won't know for a couple months whether surgery is necessary because it depends on how the bone grows back. I hope not.

Tough Week

2011-08-18T11:09:00.005-04:00

Last Thursday we had to get rid of our cat, Lucy. Long story short, she had been spraying urine in our house since we moved 2 years ago. We tried a variety of behavior modification techniques from our vet and online. Ultimately our vet said it would probably not stop in this house. We tried and tried to find her a new home -- asking random farmers, calling on pet loving friends, posting ads -- but to no avail. Every day I was dealing with pee on laundry, blankets, furniture, carpets. Now that Lucy is gone, we're realizing the extent of the damage. It cost us thousands of dollars and hours of time, and ultimately I had to admit that the situation was keeping us from caring for people (we couldn't eat meals in our dining room anymore and stopped inviting people over) and costing too much money. Lucy had the sweetest personality of any cat I've ever met though, and she was beautiful. My kids loved her. I am currently resolved never to get another pet again. It's too heartbreaking.

Sunday I took a bad fall at the church picnic and dislocated my elbow with some bone fragments breaking off. I'm in a full cast and sling, and am not supposed to use my right arm or hand. I see a specialist Monday to see how it is healing and whether I'll need surgery and how long I'll be in a cast. My mom is here helping since I can't change diapers or lift Jude or drive. Dave's parents are coming when she leaves. There have been many people willing to help from the moment I fell, so I'm thankful for that. I just hope I can take care of my kids and house again soon.

Simon's First Movie

2011-07-30T18:04:00.003-04:00

I took Simon to see his first movie in a theater -- Winnie the Pooh.

He had trouble keeping the seat down, so I put my leg on his chair for most of the movie.

Biggest accomplishment: making it to the end before using the bathroom despite giant Sprite.

He was mesmerized for the 20 minutes of previews an 5 minute short cartoon that preceded the show, and then 5 minutes into the movie he said, "Why is this so long?" He got back into the movie, but wasn't as enchanted as I expected. I think he'll be content to wait a while longer before becoming a regular movie goer.

Souper

2011-07-27T21:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Simon wanted to pretend that he was Superman, Jude was Spiderman, and I was Batman. I told him I had pet bats I could talk to in bat language because I was Batman. He said, "Oh yeah, well I'm Superman so I can talk to soup."

Jude Update

2011-06-01T15:34:00.001-04:00

We saw out doctor this morning, and the final verdict for Jude is croup. I didn't realize until this happened that croup is a virus -- I thought it was a breathing problem like asthma that wasn't contagious. In fact, it is a virus that manifests itself with the constricting of the airway in children under 2, and sometimes in children slightly older than that. If adults got the virus, you'd probably just have normal cold symptoms, but you could still pass it on to babies. In almost all cases of croup, a baby has other cold symptoms along with it, and there is a telltale cough that sounds like a seal barking. What threw doctors off with Jude is that he had no other cold symptoms at all. Because he didn't have a normal manifestation of croup, and because the breathing change happened suddenly while he was playing with small objects, all the doctors I've talked to still say that the surgery was the prudent course of action Monday -- we didn't know what it was, and it would have been very dangerous to leave a foreign object in his airway, so that had to be ruled out.

Jude developed a runny nose Tuesday and even more so today. That's one sign it is probably croup. Also, apparently the croup virus is going around. Two different local friends told me their kids have had croup in the past couple weeks. I actually had a sore throat all last week, which could have been the same virus.

We are very thankful Jude does not seem to have anything serious. We're back to normal life at home, which with Jude is anything but normal...he fell and got a bloody nose this morning, then he discovered how to push a chair across the kitchen floor and I watched him climb up on the chair and open drawers with scissors and other similarly dangerous things inside. God protect this boy!

Thanks for your prayers and concern!

PS

2011-05-31T14:53:00.005-04:00

For those who want the news, not reflection: We're home from the hospital, and Jude seems almost completely normal. He's taking steroids for a few days to reduce inflammation in his throat, which is what was causing the weird breathing. What was causing the inflammation? Still unknown, but he's not in any serious danger at this point. We are all recovering from a long day and trying to figure out what we need to be doing to jump back into normal life.

Hospital World

2011-05-31T14:00:00.022-04:00

Last night I thought, "Thank God life isn't like a hospital." At the hospital I felt overwhelmed by risk, fear and death. They are obligated to tell you about all the risks of anything you do, which makes everything seem riskier. Can you imagine if normal life were like that? "Before you sit down for this meal, I just have to let you know that there is a slight risk of allergic reaction, choking, indigestion, heart burn, impacted bowels, obesity, and -- although it is only slight -- we have to tell you that the worst case scenario is death."

"Before you get in this car...before you cross the street...before you climb that tree...swim in that pool..breath that air..." There are risks to everything, and every single worst case scenario involves death.

Yesterday I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. The doctor told us that if there was something trapped in Jude's airway it could move, it could go into his lungs, it could be sharp and puncture something...ultimately, he said, although it was unlikely, there was a chance he could suddenly stop breathing and despite all intervention, he could die. "In light of all this, we recommend surgery." And so we say OK to surgery, at which point the surgical team comes with their consent forms and lists of risks: a chipped tooth, a scraped airway, brain damage, aspiration pneumonia, and, although it was unlikely, there was a chance he could die. That was the moment when I wanted to shout at the doctors, "Neither of these options are good! I want the option in which there is no chance my child dies!" Unfortunately, that option doesn't exist.

"Thank God life isn't like a hospital!" The moment the thought entered my head, I knew it was wrong. How many of us, especially parents, feel the riskiness of every day? We can wash our hands, cut our food into tiny pieces, use car seats, obey the rules, take every precaution, but still we hear that voice, "We just have to make you aware, although it is unlikely, there is a chance you or your child could die." We read about tornadoes, disease, war, freak accidents, and at too many moments I want to shout at God, "I want the life where there is no chance my child dies!" Unfortunately, that option doesn't exist.

You see, we are all going to die. In the hospital, and in life, death is breathing down our necks. We can numb that reality with busyness or pleasures or we can feel overwhelmed with the anxiety of it. Either way, it's there whether you sign the consent form or not.

Of course, outside of the hospital, there are also signs of something else. There is laughter and dancing. There is celebration and singing. There is joy and hope and love. There is life -- real, abundant life. And here is the secret the faithful cling to -- that that kind of real life is reality, although it is a reality that will only be full realized when the One who has Conquered Death returns. My hope is not for some disembodied future in some mystical heaven. No, the hope of Christians throughout the ages, and the hope throughout the Bible, is that one day heaven and earth will be one -- the dead will be raised, suffering over, and all things will be new. God is going to transform this hospital world and these bodies of death into bodies like his, and we will never die.

I realize that to many this sounds crazy or naive. Just as I feel Death breathing down my neck every day, so too do I feel his friend, Doubt, whispering in my ear. There is no certain road. Every person puts their faith in something, whether they sign the consent form or not. So, I choose to believe in a God who is good, that the signs of beauty and life are true, and that there is a future far better than anything I can imagine. And I say "Come quickly, Lord Jesus, come!"

Memorable Day

2011-05-30T20:09:00.005-04:00

6:30am - Simon Awake

7:15am - Jude Awake

We eat a normal breakfast and then Simon and I make some homemade zucchini muffins while Jude plays.

8:30am - All still normal and kids happy

8:45am - I get Jude to go upstairs and wake up Dave. I notice his breathing is weird. It sounds like he's gasping for breaths, but he is acting normal and happy.

9am - Family eats muffins together. Jude eats a small piece of muffin and drinks some milk. He can eat and drink, but his breathing still sounds really bad and we're starting to get worried. I look into the playroom and wonder if he's swallowed one of Simon's toys or a coin from Simon's bank.

9:15am - Call pediatrician and she recommends Urgent Care

9:30am - Pack family in car for Urgent Care, beginning to get more concerned because his breathing is so loud, but Jude is still happy.

At Urgent Care they listened to his throat and chest and said his airway sounded partially upstrucked and we should go to the hospital immediately. The doctor repeated, "Just stay calm" about 10 times, which caused Dave and I to move from our previously calm state to deep anxiety.

10:30am - Arrive at ER, transfer Simon to our friends who met us there to take him. This is the point in the day when we stopped being aware of time. Saw a general doctor, a respiratory doctor, radiologists -- who did an x-ray. Nothing on the x-ray, but they said only metal would show up on x-rays, not plastic or various other materials. The ENT Doctor put a scope down Jude's nose and into his throat while Dave and a huge male nurse held the hysterical baby down. They didn't see anything, but they said he was tightening up too much to see very far. The doctors thought that even though Jude wasn't in distress, there was too much risk of something suddenly moving or getting in his lungs, so they recommended we put him under general anesthesia and send him to the Operating Room immediately where they would send a probe down his air passages, find what was blocking it, and take it out.

The surgery was the scariest part of the day, especially since his reflux made him a higher risk for aspirating while under anesthesia. Dave and I waited for about an hour while he was in the OR, then the surgeons came out. They showed us pictures of his vocal cords. They said there was some swelling and some mucus (which they suctioned out), but it turns out there was no obstruction.

Since the doctors don't know what caused the sudden change in breathing (it was very sudden, and none of us have been sick. Jude has no runny nose, fever or any other signs of cold), they wanted him to stay overnight to be monitored. We saw about 10 different doctors, and when we finally settled in to our room found out that "being monitored" is really all we're doing at this point. They are making sure he doesn't get worse and then sending him home tomorrow. There is no plan to delve further into why his breathing sounds weird.

Some possibilities -- croup, a virus, aspiration of food caused by reflux. All these theories have holes. We already had a visit with the doctor scheduled for Wednesday, so I'm sure we'll discuss it more. Still, it is beginning to sound like we might not ever have an answer if he gets better. And I will gladly take no answer as long as he actually isn't sick.

Dave is spending the night in the hospital tonight. Jude is in a sad mood from being poked and prodded and denied food and water, but he was sleeping for the last hour I was there. Simon will be home soon, tired out from a fun and exciting day with friends.

Thanks for praying for Jude. I hope the worst is behind us.

Eno River

2011-05-22T21:27:00.005-04:00

Was it inevitable that if we let Simon do this:

This would happen:

(No shot of the actual fall from log to muddy shallows)
Future conversation in therapy: "One of my earliest memories is falling in deep mud at a river. I was hysterical, and my mom just stood there taking pictures while my dad laughed..."

Sounding Out

2011-05-22T17:12:00.008-04:00

There was a passage in the book I am reading that reminded me of something I have been meaning to blog about: "Spoken sentences flow together seamlessly as one long, blurry drawn out sound. We don't speak with spaces. Where one word ends and another begins is a relatively arbitrary linguistic convention. If you look at a sonographic chart visualizing the sound waves of someone speaking English, it's practically impossible to tell where the spaces are" (Moonwalking with Einstein, 143)

I experienced this very thing with Simon this week! He's become interested in sounding out words and guessing how they are spelled. He's not interested in doing this when looking at books, rather, he'll say a word and then want to know how it is spelled. (Side note: I wonder if this is normal. Do most kids become interested in spelling by looking at words or is Simon typical in wanting to talk about sounds and letters before wanting to read them? What I mean -- he knows the sounds letters make, but doesn't yet look at c-a-t and sound out "cat;" however, if he says "cat," then he might pause and try to figure out the letters. It's all completely oral at this point though).

So, we were driving along this week and we passed Forest Hills Park. He said, "How do you spell Forest Hills Park?" Then he slowed down his speaking to sound out the words: "F-F-Fores (pause) T-T-Tills (pause) Park." He thought it was Fores Tills Park! I explained that the second word is "Hills" and the t is at the end of the first word. He's stubborn, though, and we got in an argument where he insisted that the name of the park is Fores Tills. (Another side note: We also got into an argument today because I told him he'd put on his underwear inside out and backwards and he insisted they were correct. What compels him to insist he is right?)

Glory that Will Not Fade

2011-05-17T22:11:00.005-04:00

Simon made me a flower pot at preschool for Mother's Day. It has a picture of his face surrounded by petals in a pot with a real plant. It is sweet, but also kind of freaky in a way that is inevitable with disembodied faces. We have kept it on our kitchen table, and Simon likes to comment on it. He started to worry when some of the flowers wilted, so we watered it and talked about how they would all wilt eventually, but they are pretty now.

At some other meal (not sure if it was even the same day), he said, "There is another flower in that pot that is also beautiful and won't wilt."

Me: "You mean the flower you made me with your picture?"

Simon: "Yes."

Me: "Yeah, I love that flower."

Simon: "Even when we die, that flower still will not wilt."

Hmmm.

On another day, Simon randomly looked at the flowerpot and then said, "Someday, if I die and then Jacob comes over to our house, he will see that flower and it will remind him of me."

What do you say to that?! I told him he probably would not die for a long, long time, and I like having the flower picture and a real boy.

Signs of Friendship

2011-05-15T18:45:00.003-04:00

On the way home from the park we passed two dogs and a cat hanging out together on a driveway. We waved and watched for a minute, and then after we passed I said to Jude, "Were those dogs and cat friends?"

Simon answered, "I don't know if they were friends. I didn't ask them."

Me, "It seems like they were friends."

Simon, "Why?"

Me, "Well, they weren't chasing each other or anything, so it seems like they were friends."

Simon, "Jacob and I chase each other and we're friends."

A Mother's Day

2011-05-07T21:53:00.021-04:00

Jude had a stomach virus this week. It is uncanny how this seems to happen almost every time my mom is visiting. Today was day 5, and he only threw up once. We're praying none of the rest of us get it because 5 days is a long and miserable time to have a stomach bug! Yesterday was the worst. By noon he had 3 "dirty diapers" and vomited three times. While in the tub cleaning up from vomiting, he went out the other end. Since he wasn't keeping anything down, the doctor told us to give him a medicine dropper full of fluid every 15 minutes and see if he could keep that much in. He could, but we couldn't give him food and he was miserable! The afternoon was basically crying with an alarm going off every 15 minutes -- I could distract him for 5 minutes with a book or video or rocking, but eventually he would start crying again. By the end of the day I was convinced that I had discovered a new interrogation method.

I know he hasn't been sick all of 2011, but so far this year he's had a 3 week cold that turned into an infection and required a trip to Urgent Care, a week long high fever virus, a day of vomiting followed by a week cold, two weeks of reflux induced daily vomiting, a week of pink eye, two weeks of a full body rash, a cold, and now this week long stomach virus. At many points throughout this I've been thankful that all these are minor illnesses and that I have children who are overall healthy and thriving. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worn out. Today Dave watched Jude at home so Simon and I could go out together and then my mom stayed in at night so Dave and I could go out to eat. (My mom was building us solid wood built in bookshelves all day). I took both boys to a strawberry farm in the late afternoon so Dave could study, but don't worry germaphobes, I didn't let Jude get near people or touch anything (and he hadn't had any episodes since early this morning).

Even in the midst of laundering lots of crib sheets and cleaning with bleach and feeling like we'll never have two kids healthy at the same time again, I wouldn't trade this for any other job. The main stress of these weeks comes from other responsibilities on top of mothering, and my conversation with Dave tonight was more about what else I could remove from my life to make room for all this craziness, not how to avoid the craziness. Because even on the worst day, there are those moments when Jude is letting me hold and cuddle him instead of crying or Simon is sharing his latest deep thought, and in those moments, my soul is filled.

(This picture of Jude kind of sums up how he's feeling this week).

He Walks!

2011-04-24T20:02:00.005-04:00

Jude took his first step on his birthday, but he has stubbornly been refusing to walk since then. He would occasionally take one or two steps, but when we would ask him to walk between us, he would shake his head no. This weekend he decided it was finally time. He went crazy walking at the reception after the Maundy Thursday service at church. He's been enthusiastic about practicing ever since. This video is from Saturday night. We were at a free concert at the mall. Funny side note: about 10 seconds after I stopped the video he vomited on Dave. He's mostly over the reflux, but we missed a dose of medicine Friday, plus he was very excited about walking, plus Dave threw him into the air...

Easter

2011-04-24T18:53:00.004-04:00

By the end of the party, Jude's clothes were too cumbersome.

Cock A Doodle Doo

2011-04-14T22:53:00.003-04:00

Jude likes pictures of animals, and he refers to animals by their sounds, which is different than Simon at this age. For a while Jude's favorite animal to see in pictures was a cow. He was constantly mooing. Recently he's become enamored with roosters. He can't say "cock a doodle doo," but he points at the rooster in picture books and then cracks up when Dave or I make the sound. He acts like it is the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. He'll point at other animals too, but always comes back to the rooster, and always laughs at that one.

Brotherly Love

2011-04-08T17:17:00.005-04:00

A younger sibling has to deal with a lot...

"Simon, stop tackling Jude...Simon, don't strangle his neck...No, Simon, you can't pretend to crucify Jude." (That last one was just this week when Simon, who is obsessed with the Easter story right now, said, "Let's yell 'crucify Jude!'")

But even when a kiss turns into a lick and a hug turns into a very hard squeeze, a brother is still a pretty great companion.

Wake Up Conversation

2011-04-08T09:15:00.009-04:00

Simon loves wearing matching pajamas with Jude. Last night they didn't have ones that matched clean, so Jude wore his dinosaur pajamas and Simon wore his flannel bear pajamas.

This morning Jude woke up around 6:45 (sleeping in for him!) and I brought him into bed with us, where he quietly cuddled and dozed a little longer. A few minutes later I heard Simon's door open and then our door open and Simon climbed onto the bed. He took one look at Jude and immediately started talking in his totally awake, high pitched voice, "My pajamas are warm. Bears aren't reptiles. Bears aren't reptiles because they have lots of hair and fur." (Quick pause while he looks at Jude's dinosaurs). "But they both roar!" (Simon switches to a cutsie baby voice and gets right in Jude's face). "Juuuuude, we're both wearing things that roar. We both have things that roar."

Me, "Do you think we should go downstairs so daddy can keep sleeping?"

Simon, "Yeah, because Jude is too loud."

(The adventures continued downstairs in a new gift from Grandma)

Update on Jude

2011-03-27T17:32:00.007-04:00

Friday Jude took a major turn downhill -- vomited 4 or 5 times, constant coughing, trouble sleeping. It may have been a blessing in disguise, though, because it caused us to talk to the doctor again and change course. I was pretty skeptical about a dairy allergy, and I finally feel like we're making progress.

The doctor said that coughing is often a sign of reflux, and that reflux would fit with the fact that he spit up a ton as an infant too (never bothered him then, so he wasn't treated). So, we put him on Zantac and also switched to a diet of exclusively pureed baby food. Thankfully, he did not vomit at all Saturday or today!

After two weeks of vomiting, his little passageway is pretty tender from so much acid. He's almost vomited a couple times today, and it has been whenever he eats anything that isn't pureed -- a couple goldfish crackers, a piece of cereal. It is hard for a little guy who loves to eat to only have baby food -- especially since he sees us eating delicious real food. He's still crying a lot and waking up in the middle of the night, but I can tell he's getting better. It will take time for him to heal and be able to eat regular food, but I'm very glad that the vomiting has stopped.

The doctor said that if it worked we would probably leave him on Zantac for 2 months and then see if he was OK off of it. She also told me to keep off dairy for now just to cover all our bases, but I let Jude have yogurt tonight. There's only so much you can expect from a little guy, and giving up his favorite food (which happens to be cool, smooth and within the pureed diet), which he has eaten for 7 months without issue, is too much. If he gets sick again and it ends up dairy was related, I'll feel bad, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. (Still no milk even though he cries every time he sees Simon's milk cup because he loves it so much).

Thanks for your prayers.

Pray for Jude

2011-03-24T14:19:00.005-04:00

Today is the 11th day in a row that Jude has vomited. He only vomited once each of those days and was otherwise relatively happy. His appetite is normal, his other digestive functions (think the other end) are perfectly normal. We went to the doctor yesterday and confirmed what I already guessed -- he's not contagious; this isn't a virus. I don't know what it is. Early on I thought it might be related to teething. He did, in fact, get a new tooth Sunday and I can feel a big back one that's about to push through. He always has a hard time teething, and he is very fussy and into chewing on his fist lately. But I've never heard of a child vomiting for weeks before getting teeth. So maybe he just has bad luck -- miserable with teething at the same time as a mysterious GI problem.

The vomiting is random and unpredictable. It mostly happens while he's eating or right after eating, but it has also happened randomly when he hasn't been eating for hours and is just playing or riding in the car. It is at different points in the day, and sometimes it has been more than 24 hours between episodes...early one morning and late in the evening the following day.

The doctor is having us cut out all dairy for a week to see if it is a dairy sensitivity. That seems unlikely to me since he's been eating yogurt and cheese for 7 months with no issues and cow's milk for a month, but maybe the cow's milk on top of all the extra saliva and mucus from teething is too much. If removing dairy doesn't work, we will go see a Pediatric GI Specialist.

Please pray for us -- that this isn't anything serious and that it will just go away. Even though a dairy allergy would be relatively minor, it is exhausting for me to imagine adding that to the other food limitations in our family.

I am also exhausted since Dave was out of town last week and has a major work demand this week that is keeping him working from morning to midnight or later every day. Here's hoping that things improve as we head for the weekend...

Little Devils

2011-03-18T16:56:00.001-04:00

Some People Read While They Go...

2011-03-18T16:23:00.001-04:00

... and some people see if they can balance toilet paper rolls on their toes.

I've Grown as Shiftless as Little Boy Blue...

2011-03-12T18:28:00.004-05:00

A friend posted the last stanza of this poem on facebook, and then I looked up the rest to give at a shower. I'm thinking of hanging it in my kitchen or handing it out when guests walk in the front door instead of saying my usual, "Sorry I didn't have time to clean up completely."

Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat- a- cake, darling and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.

Basketball on the Mind

2011-03-07T19:56:00.003-05:00

Tonight in the car I was listening to the news on NPR. A story came on about the union protests in Wisconsin. They cut to audio of the protesters chanting. Simon perked up and said, "That sounds like Duke basketball."

Then someone said, "There is no option but layoffs."

Simon said, "They just said, 'There is no option but playoffs!'"

Becoming a Daddy

2011-02-26T21:04:00.003-05:00

(I already put this on facebook, but I use this blog for later scrapbooks, so I want to post here too).

Simon: "I think I'm almost going to be a daddy." Me: "Oh yeah? Why?" Simon:"I feel hair growing on my face...It's either hair or peanut butter."

Jude at One Year

2011-02-26T20:44:00.008-05:00

Favorite Things: Cats, Food, Musical Instruments
Favorite Foods: Yogurt and Wheat Thin Crisps
Favorite Books: Wee Willie Winkie by Salley Mavor (This was also Simon's favorite book at 1. I think they just love that Wee Willie Winkie has an orange cat that reminds them of Lucy).
Loves to: Point & Nod (he points all the time and nods yes or no), Dump & Refill (pulls all the toys, blocks, etc out of a bin and then puts them all back in or transfers all the trains from one bin to another).
Words: Cat (pronounced "a" -- rhymes with "cat"), Dada, Mama, All Done (pronounced "ah duh"), Hi
Personality: Jude is a little shy. He loves his mommy and daddy and will cuddle closer when someone says "hi" and give a coy smile. He cries when we leave him, but is OK once we're out of sight. He is very smiley and happy. He laughed very early. He has good rhythm and bounces when he hears music. Dave works at home, and every time we pass the closed door of his office, Jude yells "Dada." He loves Dave! He is also very resilient since his big brother has been tackling and wrestling him from infancy.

"More Food Jude"

2011-02-13T16:01:00.007-05:00

Early on, several different people dubbed Simon "Climbin' Simon." It fits.

I think Jude could be "More Food Jude." It seems like the child never stops wanting to eat, and he likes everything. Dave and Simon have, how shall I say it, more monochromatic eating habits. There are certain things they like a lot, they don't like mixing flavors or textures, and they are generally suspicious of new foods. It is absolutely thrilling to me to have another member of the family who seems to be an adventurous eater. In fact, Jude has often turned down a simple flavored baby food when he sees me eating something more appealing, like a chicken pot pie. Bring on that mixed up deliciousness!

There was a moment the other day when I was particularly proud. I had been feeding Jude pieces of bacon, and eventually he got tired of it. I started giving him pieces of chicken breast, which he ate up. He still had bacon on his tray, though, and eventually he stopped, picked up chicken in one hand and bacon in the other, looked back and forth several times, then put them in his mouth together. "Yes, my child, your instincts are correct. Bacon does make chicken taste better."

(Here is a picture of a dessert I made for girls' weekend that was so delicious I had to make it again this weekend for a potluck. That's right, Bacon and Sea Salt topped Brownies. They are maybe the best dessert ever. Finally I have someone in the family who, when he is allowed to start eating dessert, will likely agree with me).

Saying Grace

2011-02-09T20:50:00.002-05:00

We usually thank God for our food before we eat. Tonight, however, I put a plate of eggplant in front of Simon and before I could say anything tears came to his eyes and he cried out in utter lament, "Why did God give us this?!"

Cameron Crazy

2011-02-09T20:47:00.003-05:00

Seems like a good anecdote preceding tonight's big game:

A couple weeks ago we were walking through a restaurant and someone was wearing a bright blue wig. Simon said, "Look, Mommy, a Cameron Crazy." He said it in a very nonchalant way, just as he might point out a policeman or some other interesting, but novel person. It was funny to me that "Cameron Crazy" is a category of people in his world.

More on Age

2011-02-08T16:08:00.002-05:00

Today in the car, Simon announced, "Jude will be a baby for part of my 4 year and a big boy for the other part. Then we'll get bunk beds."

He's right! Jude will turn 2 halfway through his 4 year. I guess that's the official start of "big boyness." Funny that Simon was doing that math.

A Very Mature 3

2011-02-07T11:03:00.002-05:00

This morning I called Simon "my young engineer."

Simon: "I'm not young, Mommy! I'm not young!"

Me: "How old are you?"

Simon (holding up 3 fingers): "That's older than 2 and 1, so I'm not young."

Guess I am clearly very old.

Cow Lick

2011-02-01T17:31:00.003-05:00

I look over and see Simon licking the top of Jude's head.

Me, "What are you doing?"

Simon, "I'm pretending I'm a cow and Jude's hair is grass."

(Sorry for the snotty nose picture -- doctor said not to wipe too often since his nose was getting sore).

Sick of It

2011-01-28T19:00:00.015-05:00

Jude gets sick much more than Simon does or ever has. In his first year he's had two stomach viruses, a string of colds, digestion issues and a hard time with teething. Nothing too serious, but I'm not sure he knows that his nose isn't supposed to run.

Recently, things have gotten a little harder for him. He caught a cold December 21. It was a run of the mill cold for a while, seemed like it was getting better, then got worse and turned into several days of fever and infected-looking snot. We ended up at Urgent Care a few weeks ago. Even though the chest x-ray didn't show pneumonia, the doctor was concerned he was close to developing that and put him on a 10 day course of antibiotics. The antibiotics upset his stomach and destroyed his appetite. They worked more slowly than expected, but eventually he was back to normal. He finished them last Wednesday.

Monday afternoon, Jude suddenly developed a fever again. By Tuesday morning he was miserable -- fever, runny nose, and coughing had all returned. I called the doctor's office and even though our doctor wasn't there, I had a couple conversations with the nurse and another doctor and they started another course of antibiotics, assuming that there was some residual infection. It was sad.

Wednesday Simon was in a horrible mood, fell asleep on the couch mid-morning, and then threw up. He developed a fever, but I still thought maybe he and Jude had different sicknesses.

Even though Simon only threw up once, he was miserable. He got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and when he was done he laid down in the hall and asked for a blanket because he couldn't make it back to his room. He was wincing and had that sort of look people get when they are so sick they can't even sleep in peace.

Thursday -- 48 hours after Jude began antiobiotics -- Jude still wasn't getting better and Simon was still miserable (no vomiting, but no appetite and it was work to get him to drink anything, even treats like Sprite, pedialite, juice). So, we went to the doctor. When we got there, they measured Simon's fever at 103.5. We found out that a nasty, flu-like virus has hit our area with a vengence this week. Forty kids were sent home from a local high school in one day. My doctor's daughter has it, and was showing symptoms almost identical to Simon. The virus causes a high fever for about 5 days, developing into congestion and cough. Our doctor thinks that Jude probably has the same virus, but told us to finish his 5 day course of antibiotics just in case there is also an infection.

Thursday afternoon I started to feel achy, congested and have chills.

Jude woke up at 2 a.m. and wouldn't go back to sleep until 4 a.m. I could quiet him by nursing him, but he'd always go back to crying and refuse to sleep. Again today he was fussy, crying and crying for hours. Both boys are on ibuprofen -- at times Tylenol too. Fortunately, Simon seems to have turned the corner and is happy with no fever as long as he has ibuprofen. Jude seems like he is getting better, but much, much more slowly. I'm taking as much ibuprofen as possible, napped twice today and trying my hardest to avoid the worst of this thing.

Dave has been on a business trip all week. He has a fever and is miserable in Chicago. Our doctor thinks he probably has the same thing. Look out Windy City!

Fortunately, my mom is visiting this week. It kind of stunk that we couldn't do anything fun or work on projects as planned, but I am very thankful that I had some help. I only have to make it one day on my own sick and with sick kids before Dave gets home.

I hope this is the last of it for a while. Jude has a naturally cheerful disposition, but there is only so much one little guy can take. I hope that he is back to more laughs than cries for the last month of his first year.

Simonisms

2011-01-12T21:33:00.002-05:00

Rocket Shuttle - Simon has developed an interest in space travel. He got a shuttle and book about rockets and space shuttles for Christmas. For some reason, he can't remember the words "space shuttle." He calls it a rocket shuttle. "Let's pretend this rocket shuttle is going to the moon. Take out the wheels so it can land..."

Wool & Hay - Simon confuses the words "wool" & "hay." I noticed this the first time the other day when we were looking at Jude's farm animals book and Simon was trying to teach Jude. We saw a picture of a sheep and Simon said, "If we didn't have sheep, we wouldn't have hay jackets." It took me a minute. "You mean wool jackets?" Simon, "Yeah." Then again today he was talking about getting hay from sheep. When I say, "Wool?" he knows he's made a mistake, but his instinct is to say hay. I guess they are both itchy.

Snowflakes & Pancakes

2011-01-10T18:44:00.001-05:00

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

2010-12-25T16:17:00.009-05:00

As Christmas comes to a close, I am reminded once again of the one tradition that makes every holiday, whether religious, secular or postal, much sweeter. No, I'm not talking about food, or even family. I am, of course, referring to the holiday nap.

There are always two main contenders for "Holiday Nap of the Year." We're all familiar with the "Turkey Coma." Who among us hasn't experienced the convergence of tryptophan, wine and overeating. Purists take the Thanksgiving Day nap in front of the television and call it "watching football." I love a good Turkey Coma.

This year, however, Holiday Nap of the Year goes to "the Christmas Collapse." Parents stay up too late wrapping gifts and stuffing stockings. Children get up too early to open gifts and tear down stockings. Everyone follows up a breakfast of cinnamonny dough with cookies and candy. And then...we sleep.

There is good reason the Big Two usually take Holiday Nap of the Year. The Martin Luther King "I Have a Dreamfest" is pleasant, but too close to the usual Sunday afternoon nap to take the prize. Memories of past sunburns from the Memorial Day sun-bake usually keep that nap out of the running. And Easter, the most holiest of holidays, doesn't have a chance with the catch phrase "He is risen."

Yes, Thanksgiving and Christmas truly remind us of how wonderful napping can be. But let's remember the advice of a popular Christmas song -- "Don't save it all for Christmas Day." Naps are meant to be enjoyed all year long. Let's keep the spirit of the holidays alive as much as we can in 2011.

A Pocket for Corduroy - August

2010-12-15T12:56:00.000-05:00

I've taken many videos throughout the year that I never bothered to transfer to computer. Here is Simon shortly before he turned 3 "reading" A Pocket for Corduroy to Jude. It was a library book that we had been reading that week.

An Oldie

2010-12-14T20:19:00.001-05:00

While I had the video camera out, I figured it was time to get some clips that have been sitting for a while. Here is Zachary singing Happy Birthday to himself in July.

Simon's School Christmas Program

2010-12-14T20:01:00.006-05:00

These are more traditional Christmas songs that his class preformed.

This is the song they did first (before the previous video). It is about a train and a cockroach. Kind of random.

Feliz Navidad!

2010-12-14T19:51:00.003-05:00

I went to Simon's school today to watch a rehearsal for their Christmas program. We're going to miss the actual program (gone for Russell's wedding), so I was glad I could at least observe them practicing. This wasn't part of the official program, but it might have been my favorite song. That boy has some rhythm!

Snowy Saturday

2010-12-06T16:22:00.003-05:00

What a nice surprise to have snow the day we decided to buy and decorate our Christmas tree!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T09:00:00.002-05:00

OK. Despite yesterday's post, I'm going to get more specific about what I'm thankful for. I'm only going to include things that were new or unique to this past year, which let's me off the hook for not starting with my existence.

1. Three Healthy Babies! I am so thankful for Jude Laurence and my two nephews, Derek and Aiden. A year ago it was not clear from the twins' ultrasound whether they would be completely healthy. They were carried to term and are healthy, thriving babies. These boys are all an answer to prayers.

2. My Community Garden. I am so thankful that we got involved with Anathoth Community Garden this year. It is a place of friendship and peace. It is a chance for my kids to get really, really dirty each week and run free in the country in a way they can't anywhere else. It was a source of delicious, fresh organic produce and a chance to meditate more deeply on food. I love it.

3. Simon's Train Birthday Party. I loved being able to throw my boy a special party to celebrate him. I had a lot of fun with all the planning. I am thankful we have the means to celebrate so lavishly once in a while.

4. Being able to Host Family for Holidays. I am thankful for last Christmas and this Halloween with my family and "early Christmas" at our house with Dave's whole family. It is so fun to have a full house, especially when all the cousins are here. I am very thankful that my brother lives close enough that our families can see each other regularly.

5. Being able to Lead a Small Group this Fall. I haven't been able to lead a Bible Study group in a while, and this fall I got the chance again. While there are many things I am thankful for with this group, I am particularly grateful for the chance to prepare the Bible study on Ephesians each week. Spending hours in one passage of Scripture, listening to sermons and reading commentary to prepare was such a rich time. I felt like God met me (and the group) each week, and I am thankful for the privilege of being able to dig into His Word.

(Simon and friends playing in the creek at the community garden with the Garden Intern, Megan)

The Difficulty in Giving Thanks

2010-11-24T15:50:00.006-05:00

I am hosting my first Thanksgiving, and I wanted to make it an occasion that is truly about giving thanks to God. I have so much to be thankful for. The problem: how to make the holiday about gratitude without making my guests miserable. I have a feeling, for instance, that dictating our dinner conversation be about all that we are thankful for would not go over too well. What if people would rather talk about football?

So I thought if nothing else that we could all go around and say one thing we are thankful for. I think that's a pretty common tradition. This, however, presents a new problem: where do I begin?!

In order to cultivate thankful hearts and remember all God has done for us, each week at our Monday family meal we write down one thing we are thankful for from the previous week. Tomorrow morning I am going to take all those little pieces of paper and transcribe them into a family notebook. It's something we can keep through the years to remind of us God's faithfulness in big and small things since we are likely to forget the day to day blessings in our lives.

Simon has only recently been able to participate. (It's hard for kids to reflect past the present moment. He hasn't quite gotten to reflecting on a week). One week we asked him what he was thankful for and he said, "I'm thankful that God made me." It made me being thankful for a new pair of shoes (or whatever I wrote down) seem kind of shallow.

That's the trouble with asking me, or anyone, to say one thing they are thankful for. Even our existence is a gift! Simon had it right. Thank God he chose to make me. Thank God that I am healthy, for the way my mind can think about and imagine things, that I was born into a family that loves me in a country where I am free in a period of history where women have rights and we have modern medicine, and indoor plumbing...I could go on and on. Then I could start in on all the details I am thankful for in the way God created my family -- their eyes, Simon's curly hair, the way Dave thinks so deeply. If I start to get into how abundant my material possessions are or the details of my personal circumstances...well, I can't even start! Thank God for my bed, my pillow, a warm shower each morning...not to mention the Internet, the great book I'm reading, how beautiful fall is in North Carolina. And I haven't even touched on the really deep stuff -- who God is, the depths of his love, that he gave us the Bible and His Spirit and for all Jesus did in his life, death and resurrection.

Maybe childlike simplicity is the way to go. One other time I was trying "high - low" with Simon. This is something his friends do where they say the best thing from their day and the worst before bed. I explained that to Simon. He said, "The best part of my day was when the sun came up so I could get up and play."

So, if I have to say just one thing, I'm stealing from Simon: Thank God that I exist and have this day to keep on living.

Musicians

2010-11-19T08:17:00.014-05:00

I finally got around to transferring some videos to the computer. The first one is from a month ago (10/26). It shows Jude indulging in his new found love of piano while Simon was at school. The second video was taken yesterday and shows how much more complicated it is for a small boy to play when a bigger boy is around (I suppose the opposite is also true). I looked over and noticed Jude had made a makeshift drum set. He was drumming on a toy drum, two bins and a crayon container -- sitting in the middle to reach all of them. Of course, as soon as I grabbed the video camera, Simon decided he needed to drum, and I lost the chance to capture Jude in action.

At the end of the second video Simon gets to play. Apparently he heard "rock star" as "rock starter" and refused to believe he had the word wrong when I tried to explain it to him. He ends his song with, "Hey Kids, Want some ice cream?" I have no idea where that came from!

Genius Baby?

2010-11-14T16:10:00.004-05:00

Jude is in the babbling phase. I'm not one of those parents who claims my babies are talking the first time they say something that sounds like a word. I need them to prove that the sound is connected to meaning before I call it a milestone. And I know that Jude is really young to be saying actual words, but he's making us wonder...

For a while Dave has claimed he's saying "Dada" for him and "Mama" for me. It's true that he makes the "Dada" sound more when Dave is around or holding him and maybe does the same with "Mama," but I haven't gotten him to point or go looking for Dave when I say "Dada," so I feel like the verdict is still out. He does seem to direct this babbling enough that I feel it is worth noting in his baby book, which is what the anecdotes from this blog will someday become.

We have also been teaching Jude sign language -- "eat" and "all done." Yesterday when he was done eating, it really, really sounded like he said "ah done." He seemed to be doing the "all done" sign at the same time. This would have been his first clear word and sign, and the skeptic in me says maybe I'm just hearing things, but it was uncanny. Then today while I was napping, Dave was feeding Jude applesauce. When I came downstairs, Dave said, "It really seemed like Jude said 'all done' and did the sign when we were eating applesauce."

So maybe he's a communication genius -- he did start responsively smiling at a week and laughing at one month (which is way earlier than is supposed to be possible). He's slower than Simon at physical milestones, but maybe he'll talk more than his brother. (Is that possible?!)

Football Saturday

2010-11-06T18:51:00.007-04:00

This morning I noticed this little display that Simon left on the table. An interpretation of American Thanksgiving?

Jude went to his first football game today. It was 50 degrees and rainy, but Duke won in a high scoring game that came down to the wire. My boys, however, were less than enthusiastic about being so cold and not having cute devil capes like Liz's kids.

"Explain to me again why I am skipping both my naps?"

Jude was also ticked that he couldn't eat any of the pizza or bag of warm donuts. Simon, however, loved the food and bounce houses. He immediately wanted to call Grandma and Grandpa when he got home to tell them about the Duke game.

Let's Pretend

2010-11-03T17:32:00.004-04:00

Simon is in full "let's pretend" mode. So far today he's said, "let's pretend we're..."

airplanes
a T Rex family
Mortimers (character from a book)
a penguin family
a koala family
a cow family
mollusks
he's a baby in my tummy
he and Jude are at the doctor

Sometimes pretending is a roundabout way of getting something he wants, like today at dinner time when he said, "Let's pretend we're koalas. (Pointing at Halloween candy) Let's pretend koalas eat treats."

The rules of pretending are defined by him. Me: "If we are T Rexes, we have short arms." Simon: "I am pretending that T Rexes have long arms."

He didn't fall asleep during naptime. I asked what he did. He held up his stuffed dog. "I pretended I was a girl. Then I pretend he was a girl. Then I pretended he was a dog. I pretended my subway car was broken and I had to throw it in the trash. Just it's engines were broken..."

I have to stop writing now because a boy just informed me that we are a koala family on a train...

Poet

2010-11-03T17:29:00.001-04:00

Simon has liked to rhyme for a long time, but tonight I heard him chant a whole poem he made up to himself while eating dinner:

Some relatives are mean
They say it's not Halloween

Some relatives are mean
They say it's not Halloween

It really is Halloween

Happy Halloween!

2010-11-01T21:03:00.004-04:00

"Three blind mice, three blind mice, See how they crawl, see how they crawl..."

My non-commercial superheroes

Deja Vu

2010-10-16T18:36:00.003-04:00

Firetruck

2010-10-06T11:12:00.000-04:00

A firetruck visited Simon's school, and Jude got to come along.

A Visit to the Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-05T11:03:00.000-04:00

Jude attempting to eat hay

Jude attempting to eat dried corn

Jude attempting to eat his pumpkin

...Finally! Prunes!

Buddies

2010-10-04T22:49:00.007-04:00

"Wow, they're playing so nicely together..."

"Simon, did you dump a bucket of sand on Jude's head?!"

Building a fort together

"Watch out behind you little guy"

Preppy boys

Caught In the Act

2010-09-27T21:48:00.003-04:00

Today I went upstairs for a few minutes and left Simon downstairs in the playroom. When I came back, he was sitting on the kitchen floor with a container of ice cream he had gotten out of the freezer between his legs. The lid was off and he was scooping as much ice cream as he could into his mouth with his hands. I acted mad so that he wouldn't do it again, but I laugh every time I think about it. I can totally empathize with what he was doing.

Birthday Party

2010-09-20T22:05:00.011-04:00

I have been planning Simon's birthday party for more than 6 months. I love birthdays, and Simon loves trains, so I would occupy the hours I laid in bed with end-of-pregnancy insomnia thinking about how to have a cool train party. I decided that Simon and his friends would ride a real Amtrak train from Raleigh to Durham and then we would have pizza and cake at the Durham train station (which is newly renovated, beautiful and empty most of the time).

The most difficult part of this plan was having to limit who could be invited. Simon has many little friends who he sees at church and play groups, and we have many kids with friends. I generally think "the more the merrier," but the expense and logistics just wouldn't work. I decided just to invite a few of the little boys who were Simon's age and also love trains. We ended up seeing his friend Halleigh about 3 times a week all summer, though, so we made an exception for one girl. Then, of course, his cousin Zachary had to come along. In the end, the party didn't feel small, but there were still several friends who we see regularly who were not included. I really hope no feelings were hurt.

I was so glad most of our family could come into town for the party. Simon loved having so many friends and family all together. I also appreciated my mom's help with the elaborate train cake I decided to make -- not sure I could have gotten it all done without her. And Papa, Grandma and Grandpa were great chauffeurs -- shuttling parents and kids to Raleigh and then driving minivans back just in time to meet them in Durham. The kids all got goody bags with an engineer hat, a wooden train whistle and snacks for the ride. I didn't get to ride the train because I was setting up at the station, but I think everyone had a good time. I love my little engineer!

Cruisin'

2010-09-20T21:55:00.001-04:00

Jude is willing to be a faithful sidekick...

...but he prefers to be in the driver's seat.

I Know Computers are Amazing...

2010-09-18T09:35:00.002-04:00

But this morning Simon asked Dave to show him pictures of when he grows up and gets married in Duke Chapel. Sorry, Buddy, that app doesn't exist yet.

Birthday - Take 1

2010-09-09T11:19:00.000-04:00

Simon was so hyped up the night before his birthday that it took him well over an hour to fall asleep. He woke up in the middle of the night hysterically crying. I went in and got in bed with him and asked what was wrong. Eventually he said, "I was sad because it was Joshua and Anna's birthday and it was supposed to be my birthday." This is the first dream he has successfully recounted -- an anxiety birthday dream. He dreamt that it was Joshua and Anastasia's birthday party, not really his. (He had just seen these friends a couple days earlier and discussed birthdays with them). I was very excited to hear about a dream, and thought it was interesting that birthday excitement was actually causing stress.

Simon was also confused by not being able to have his party on his actual birthday. He kept asking why and suggesting things like, "maybe after my nap my friends could come over and we could have my train party." We had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, Red Robin for lunch and a special small train cake (actually 6 cupcakes frosted into a shape) with ice cream in the evening. I also took him to the Museum of Life & Science to ride the train and Dave took him to the airport park in the evening. Still, his real birthday sort of paled in comparison to the party day when most of his family and a few special friends could celebrate with him. More on that in another post...

Super Boys

2010-09-08T09:14:00.000-04:00

Birthday Cape & Bib Cape!

I got Simon a "real" superhero cape for his birthday. I wrapped it up and hid it under a tree in our yard. At first it was a big hit. Then Simon put it on and said, "How do I fly?" I said he just had to pretend. He sat on the couch and got very quiet for 5 minutes, not really engaged in the rest of the birthday banter. Finally he said, "I don't know why I can't fly." I forgot that when you are just 3 and your mother has told you your whole life that a cape will give you superpowers, you believe. He was a little disappointed, but as you can see, he decided even pretend cape can be fun (especially when Mimi is here to help him fly).

Baby Cousins

2010-09-07T21:40:00.004-04:00

Thanks for making us these bibs, Mimi! Now we don't have to answer the same questions every time we go out together.

New Invention - Underwear with Pockets

2010-09-07T21:11:00.003-04:00

...Or maybe he just needs a holster.

First Day of Preschool

2010-09-07T20:55:00.005-04:00

A treat from "Lolly-Papa"

Not sure if it is because he is a boy or because he is 3 or because it was his first experience with school, but he wasn't super-chatty about his morning. He seemed to have fun, but I'd really like a play by play. Can I hide one of those nanny cams in his back pack? I'd probably just see the inside of his cubby.

Simon at 3

2010-09-01T12:01:00.000-04:00

It is hard to believe Simon is 3. In some ways, it seems like he has been around much longer. I have a hard time remembering life without him. On the other hand, 3 seems so old to me! He's not a baby by any stretch. I'm glad he still has his high little voice and makes such sweet, innocent comments every day.

Here are some thoughts on the past year:

Favorite Things: Trains!!! Hearing stories (especially ones that involve a boy named Simon).

Favorite Color: For most of the year he would say red. Sometimes he says orange. Lately he has said pink. I love that he is still oblivious to the fact that there are "girl colors" and "boy colors." He just likes the red hues and doesn't know any better.

Favorite Book: The Little Red Train by Benedict Blathwayt. I got this book as a shower gift in January. It is a compilation of 6 Little Red Train stories. I haven't been able to find the same book anywhere online, so I have no idea where April got it. This is, by far, Simon's favorite book. It is well written and beautifully illustrated, which is good since we've read it about a million times. Duffy Driver is Simon's hero.

Favorite Foods: Yogurt (smooth, not fruit on the bottom) and cheese pizza

Since Last Year: He has started liking baths and swimming. He has a chore (feeding the cats). He became a big brother. He learned to go to the bathroom on the toilet (no diapers or pull ups day or night). He grew out his hair. He started praying on his own at meals and sometimes before bed.

Budding Interests: Superheroes, Rockets/Outer Space, Dinosaurs -- these are things that have become minor obsessions in the past couple months. I'm wondering if any will rival or replace trains in the next year of his life.

Personality: Simon is very curious and talkative. He has a lot of energy and is very physical -- he is still learning the best way to release this energy, so we have to reign him in when he hugs or wrestles his brother or friends too hard.

Is a Painter's Smock Actually Necessary...

2010-08-31T19:08:00.001-04:00

...when you are using your body as the canvas?

Simon & Jude Stats

2010-08-26T21:18:00.004-04:00

We went to the doctor today for Simon's 3 year and Jude's 6 month appointments. After the nurse came in and weighed and measured them, this is what Simon said:

"Know what my scale said?"

Me: "What?"

Simon: "This boy is almost ready for school."

Me: "What did Jude's say?"

Simon: "Almost big."

Apparently he subscribes to the "Mary Poppins" school of measurement. (I'm still aspiring to "Practically Perfect in Every Way").

Here are the real stats:
Simon - 28 lbs, 36 inches (15th percentile)
Jude - 17 lbs 13 oz, 26 inches (50th percentile)

Jude seems huge to me, yet according to my records, Simon weighed 18 lbs at 6 months. Could that be right?! Of course, Simon's growth slowed to a crawl after 6 months. He only weighed 19 lbs at 1 year and 23.5 lbs at 2 years. Maybe I just can't remember Simon as anything other than small. It will be interesting to see whether Jude's growth slows the way his brother's did. Judging by how much Jude likes food, I'm guessing it won't.